Trump is in Love … With Kim Jong-Un?

Just when I thought President Trump couldn’t surprise me any more he goes and totally blows my already unstable mind.

He said it out loud that he and Kim Jong-Un are in love. That they exchange “beautiful letters.” It’s a bromance romance. I’ve seen this formula before: he’s a successful tycoon looking to conquer the world and he’s a third world dictator threatening to lay it to waste. At first they hate each other and hurl daily epithets across the wide sea until one day they realize they’re a perfect match and a romance blossoms into this awkward but cute twosome. The world is saved and everyone lives happily ever after. The perfect romance; I’m sure Nora Roberts is already sniffing around this one.

It’s not so hard to believe this could happen, I mean if you’re into narcissistic, genocidal, authoritarian baboons (I kept trying to write buffoons, but my auto-correct thinks I meant baboons, which works too, so I left it). But wait, it occurs to me that we tend to love in others what we see in ourselves. I’ll bet when they’re together Kim Jong-Un insists that Trump calls him Dr. Evil.

I’m all in for this romance. I don’t judge. You love who you love. And if they’re sitting around penning sugary love letters to one another then they’re not wiling away their time plotting mayhem, murder and chaos in order to relieve their boredom.

I’m sure Melania isn’t giving him any love after that Stormy Daniels shit came flying in on dark wings from the past throwing a wet blanket over his weekly nooky sessions with her. He has had to look elsewhere and just when he was at his lowest, unwilling to stoop to taking his primal needs into his own hands, here comes Kim.

Melania was overheard saying, “Fine by me if he wants some guy who walks around all day in a chef’s jacket, at least he isn’t pestering me any more.”

The world will be a safer place, right? Wait, what if they get into a tiff? We all know that Trump can never be faithful. What will Kim do when Trump betrays him? Nuke Mar-A-Lago? Or maybe hack Twitter so that whenever Trump’s name is written it comes out, “Fucking, betraying bastard Trump”?

Editor’s Note: If Trump ever reads this he’ll think I don’t like him. He’d be wrong. Where else in the world could I find such an endless well of great material to write about? Trump is the best thing ever to happen to comedians. Obama was boring. Trump sells.

Written by Logan Skulli