Tsunami of Cats
I put my hand out but couldn’t reach her even though we were in the same room. She laughed, not at me, at the TV—something to do with mice. It was a pleasant evening outside. Inside it was just evening. I asked her to change the channel to something more interesting and she replied that I […]
How I Became a Vegan
A week ago at breakfast my alphabet cereal spelled Doom in my bowl. I decided then and there to switch to Cheerios. Two days later my Cheerios wrote Doomin my bowl. It seems Cheerios stole a D and an M from the alphabet cereal box, which sits nearby on the shelf in the breakfast section. […]
President Trump Survival Depot
I’ve opened an online store selling supplies us democrats will need to endure the rest of the Trump presidency. Click on TrumpPreppers.com or call 1-800-ThisSucks. Here’s six of this month’s best sellers. Item #1. Hip Waders. No longer just for potbellied old guys fishing for trout in lazy streams. The deluge of Trump bullshit flowing […]
That’s Quite an Amazing Tentacle You Have There
I arrived in the lobby of New York’s newest and most prestigious French restaurant, Bâtards Prétentieux, where the maître d’ barred me with a wall of attitude I doubt he could back up if he came out from behind that podium. Do you have a reservation? he asked, peering down at me over his Bob […]
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